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Katy Perry = No Jill Sobule

Dear Katy Perry,

If I hear your song one more time I’ll buy your CD just to throw up on it…no wait I’ll download it and burn it to disc to save the cash.  That’s not just because we’re in the middle of an economic crisis.  Even if America were thriving I would still just download it and still very much produce stomach fluids to overshadow its existence.

I was able to handle the publicity this song was getting up until this point (barely) but when you combine it with The View then its just too much media I can’t stand.

Katy performed on The View or as I like to call it “the only time I’ve ever referred to women as clucking like hens in real life.”

Sherri Sheperd states that the songs “I kissed a Girl” and “You’re so Gay” has received criticism for encouraging girls to experiment or being homophobic.  The songs should probably get criticism for being shitty examples of lyrical design.  Offense aside, the songs are just plain bad.  I submit for your examination the lyrics to these precious golden hits I’m sure will last through the ages with some of my own responses.

I Kissed a Girl

I kissed a girl and I liked it ( Okay thats fine)
The taste of her cherry chap stick (eh alright)
I kissed a girl just to try it (great I’m glad I could do that for you)
I hope my boyfriend don’t mind it ( Okay by boy did you mean boi?)
It felt so wrong (uh…maybe you should see a therapist about these “feelings”)
It felt so right ( oh okay maybe you did)
Don’t mean I’m in love tonight (damn well then I guess you’re not a lez)
I kissed a girl and I liked it (oh back to this…really? I’m not into games)
I liked it (yeah you did!)

No, I don’t even know your name  (thats okay, I don’t know yours either, Katy something right?)
It doesn’t matter (uh yeah… I just said that)
You’re my experimental game (now are we talking naked twister or scrabble, cause that’s different)
Just human nature ( to play scrabble? yeah…have you been on facebook lately?)
It’s not what, good girls do  (wait are you trying to make a funny?)
Not how they should behave ( no really, is this satire?)
My head gets so confused (uh…join the club)
Hard to obey

UR So Gay

I hope you hang yourself with your H&M scarf  ( my debit card sure doesn’t seem to have a problem with H&M, whats you’re beef?)
While jacking off listening to Mozart (okay)
You bitch and moan about LA (what exactly about LA because I could think of few things)
Wishing you were in the rain reading Hemingway (uh….what does that mean?)
You don’t eat meat  (alright she’s got me there. I like meat)
And drive electrical cars  (do we hate nature now?..sorry I must have missed that blog)
You’re so indie rock it’s almost an art (that line is indie and by indie rock I mean the poop and by poop I mean shit but like the a wet dribbly shit that makes a lot of noise)
You need SPF 45 just to stay alive (no really what?)

Okay Laty Perry.  Are we really still using Gay as a synonym for: lame, stupid, non-sensical, retarded?  You and the uprise of gangs can go f@#$ yourselves back to 1990.

Let’s forget Hendrix, Buddy Guy, Ella, Mozart, Elliot Smith.  Everybody relax Katy Perry has this music thing figured out for sure.

P.s According to Elizabeth Hackselback, Madonna said “You’re so gay” was her favorite of the summer.  Thank God.  Otherwise I might have been left to form my own opinion of this awesome music Elizabeth.  Thanks for the save.  I’d give you a high five but I’m pretty sure you just had your hand down George W’s pants.

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