Home > Television & Film > The L Word Recap: episode 602 (I wanna Showmance you girl)

The L Word Recap: episode 602 (I wanna Showmance you girl)

This weeks drink of choice: Wine then Whiskey. Potentially lethal if not consumed in proper increments.

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We open on Nikki getting ready to do an episode of cribs with a playboy reject declaring “being sad is boring”. Except Nikki isn’t sad she’s pissed off at Jenny for shafting her and then…well…shafting her. She walks through her house holding her sidekick (thanks T-mobile) bitching about how Jenny Shechter could call her names, “fuck her all night” and then kick her out. Nikki likes to let homeless teens watch basketball in her house for moral support. When she yells about not knowing what a “showmance” is one of them looks it up and explains the extensive meaning which pushes Nikki over the edge. She decide the bunny’s punishment is to be remove from her “five” (thanks again t-mobile).

Not only does The L word portray lesbians well but they’ve taken on twenty-somethings as well.

Maybe Nikki sexually contracted crazy from Jenny because she starts talking off the balcony about Jenny to thin air. She declares to no one in particular, “You are dead meat Schecter…dead.” Really? You’re obviously talking to the audience Nikki. Writers, you’re obviously trying to stir-up suspicion about who killed Jenny but Nikki? All Jenny would have to do is put a paper bag over Nikki’s head and she’s busy for days. Not buying it.

Helena and Kit are standing in their club but after they pick up glasses at the store Jenny like to shops in. They’re trying to convince “Sunset Boulevard” (really?) to dj at their club and there goes Helena walking away from the camera and it not going after her.

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The lesbian sea is still parted at the planet and Alice, Tasha and Jenny are seated at one table while Shane and Kit sit at another. Shane has sent a peace offering in the form of waffles to Jenny but she picks them up and walks directly to the trash. Kit fights for the hungry declaring there are people starving in the world but Jenny doesn’t care because apparently she’s “sure the don’t want waffles.” I don’t work for World Hunger Year but I think they’ll take what they can get. Jenny makes adorable mcdorable Alice turn to Shane and reject her waffles openly.

A pirate and a Tina walk into a bar and play rock, paper, scissors to determine who sit with whom.

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Bette loses because she always plays rock (::cough:: metaphor ::cough::). She takes a seat with the martys and Tina sits with the cheaters. I think Bette lost the second she put that shirt on. That’s two for two if you count the butterfly shirt.

Jenny is in creative mode and by creative mode I mean she’s writing a treatment about literally everything that just happened to her.

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Jenny=Ilene=pretty damn accurate.

Alice confesses that she is also writing a treatment and Jenny gives her an indirect death stare right before she writes:

INT. The Planet

Tina: What are you writing Alice?

Alice: A treatment.

Jenny gives Alice an indirect death stare.

Meanwhile Bette and Tina are texting each other what’s happening at their respective tables. Tina suggests Alice let Jenny read her treatment and the indirect becomes direct.

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Awkward. They move on to why Tasha is so dressed up and Alice criticizes Tasha on her general dressing abilities. Tasha starts her “fuck” quota for the episode and Tina ask when they’re going to therapy.

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Alice declares the planet a black hole of calcutta.

Yes! Helena. Sanity. She declares she’s not picking sides and goes for a run but not with the camera damn it! Bye Helena! Get out while you can.

Bette and Tina distract the riot by declaring that they could have new baby soon (through adoption) and that they’ve begun construction on another floor. What economic crisis! Jenny distract the happiness by opening her own black hole and declaring it a disturbance to have construction going on while she writes about what a disturbance the construction is while she writes about what a disturbance the construction is while she writes about what a disturbance the construction is while she writes about what a disturbance the construction is while she writes…woah sorry…Also it will be hard to find a new roommate.

Well that gets Shane out her seat and running after Jenny who tells her that she shouldn’t be the only one who doesn’t suffer.

Cut to:

Shane is still trying to be Jenny’s slave by putting in the flower boxes Jenny always wanted. Does Shane even cut hair any more? Max walks in with his boyfriend to take up two minutes of air time before he tells Jenny he is getting his final consultation today and there he goes for the next 45 minutes.

Some Hollywood guy is in an office presenting the poster for “Les Girls” except the title is now the “The Girls” and apparently the script has been changed to a photocopy of “The Notebook” script

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Tina flips and that bald guy tells her to “get on board” because “the train isn’t going to lezi town.” Is that like getting down on the lez boat? Going up in the dyke lift?

Cut to boring scene with Jodi. Meh.

Max is at the consultation waiting to get news about when he can have surgery. The doc says there’s a problem. Beside the fact that your voice hasn’t changed, Max, apparently there’s a little person inside your uterus. Cue the eye rolls across the room.

I’m not an expert on the the trans-gender issue but basic biology, polling of friends plus this wiki page would suggest it is highly unlikely this would happen. I don’t know what they’re trying to pull or where this is going but I think we can rule lezi town out, and reality town, and good writing town. These people got off the train about 3 stops back after they cut the breaks.

Phyllis is walking to her office with Bette and when she opens the door we witness the reason why Jane Lynch is amazing.

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Yep naked. “Buk ne-kid” and I watch my proposal plans play out on the small screen. Unfortunately, the episode was obviously filmed before Prop. 8 passed and the entire room feels the knife in their side slip in just a little deeper. Luckily, Phyllis says yes and when they jump up and down together we forget for a moment.

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Alice and Tasha are in couple’s therapy with the only therapist in L.A and Alice does only the second thing that has ever annoyed me about her character. She talks for Tasha when the therapist asks her questions about why they’re there. Tasha eventually talks and explains that Alice brought that aussie chick in between to insight a break-up.

Max is at the clinic to get an abortion and the inevitable “parade the tranny” moment happen when Max has to scream he’s a pregnant FTM transsexual. I really wish they would stop making Max looks so pathetic and hungry for random people’s approval.

God I’m bored…meh

Alright everyone.  Sorry for the half a recap for episode 2 but I just couldn’t do it.  I was so unmotivated and completely uninspired by the episode so here is the short hand.

All you really need to know is that Tasha and Alice do it in her mini cooper but since we don’t get sex scenes on this show anymore we don’t see it.

Max’s bf didn’t think Max could get pregnant if he was on testosterone. (Me neither guy).  Bf tries to bail and Max knees him in the crotch. Ouch

Side Note:  I don’t ever want to hear Daniela Sea say “who else’s dick’s been inside me” ever again.

Whenever you do a pro/con list you have to make the con side black.  That way  your angry black friend can comment about it being racist and then knife you.

Bette and Tina are at an art exhibit and the artist is none other than Jesse “I’m so excited, I”m so excited, I’m so…so…scared” Spano.

jesse_spanoShe went to college with Bette or something. I can’t hear because every lesbian in the room just freaked out.  Jesse Spano’s addiction isn’t limited to caffeine pills because she’s overtly flirting with Bette and Tina hangs back contemplating why she let Bette leave the house with that shirt on.

caffeinepills-copyThey do some eye-locking and its painfully obvious this chica is here to test the Tibette strength.  This is so obvious its actually physically hurting me…or is that the wine and whiskey combo happening in my stomach?

Kit, Helena and Alice are at “Hit” talking about Helena’s new MO (All business no attachment) so naturally the opposite is about to happen and we see Dylan getting down on the dance floor as “the filling in the lesbo sandwich”.

Max is playing video games in a port-side warehouse and Tom shows up to apologize for knocking him up.  They hug and everyone can forget about Max again.

Bette and Tina are home discussing whether or not Bette was flirting with Jesse and I’m just hoping the have sex so they can take of their respective outfits and they do.  Green baby doll thing comes off, leopard print comes off…wait are they wearing the same underwear?

Back at Hit Alice gets fed up and throws on her gansta hat to confront Dylan and throws herself into her on the dance floor on behalf of Helena.  Helena steps in and she and Dylan have a chat by the bar.  They are sooooooo going to do it.

Dylan leaves and Helena decides to confront her outside by her car.  Dylan gets shoved twice in one night and Helen spends the next minute screaming in her face….they’re definitely going to do it.

The next morning Shane walks into Jenny’s house to get some of her stuff and Jenny tells her it was Shane who broke her heart. Shane mistakes that to mean in a friend way and apologizes again.  Jenny looks like a normal person when she isn’t yapping crazy talk.

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She walks away and Shane calls her out and the unthinkable happens.

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I realize this is what it must feel like to kiss your sister.  Excuse me a moment.  I have to go throw up. BRB.

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  1. February 2, 2009 at 3:30 AM

    I know about the L word. LUNCH.

    • The humans are dead
      February 2, 2009 at 7:09 PM

      Yeah I think that’s what they meant. 🙂

  2. February 3, 2009 at 1:57 PM

    you are hysterical. i will never have to watch another episode or listen to that god-awful theme song so long as you’re recapping them.

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