Home > Television & Film, Uncategorized > The L Word Recap: episode 603

The L Word Recap: episode 603

Sorry these recaps are happening so many days after the episode. My job is a mistress who requires much attention. Just think of the recaps as a nice reminder before the new epsiode.

This episode is called LMFAO but it should be called LMFFO beucase the facial expressions are invaluable.

Tina is walking into the office and gets a text that Aaron wants to see ASAP! He proceeds to accuse her of trying to sabotage the film but she insists she put her life into the film and would never do something to ruin it. He tells her someone stole the negative and Tina asks “What negative?” Really? what negative? Oh maybe the negative for the only film we’ve seen you working on that you “put your life into.” Folks we’re literally 1:17 minutes into the show.

When Tina professes her love for this shit-show of a project they deduce that queen of crazytown, Jennifer Schecter, is the only person imbalanced enough to do something like that. Aaron makes it Tina’s responsibility to tell Jenny to return it because they’re friends. Aaron is obviously watching a different lesbian drama. He walks out and Tina says, into camera, “Fucking Jenny, I”m going to fucking kill you.” Is this how every episode is going to start? With every character declaring death to Schecter?

Theme song. Theme song. Theme (me: actually singing a fleet foxes song in my head in the meantime)

The camera starts at the foot of the bed and pans up (like we don’t what’s coming) and reveals a very naked Shane holding a very naked Jenny post-coital.

Sounder I is dead and Sounder II examines the scene and looks like he’s about to do himself in.


Shane wakes up first and realizes whats happened but before she can process Jenny opens those demon eyes and smiles at her. They start going at it again and I’m having a lot of bad feelings about this whole thing. Luckily there is hope because Angela Robinson directed this episode and she’s never failed us. The door bell rings and Jenny realizes its Alice coming to get notes on her treatment. They make out one more time before Shane goes to answer the door. When she does Alice laughs at Shane because she can tell Shane got laid. Shane of course denies it (as would I but for completely different reasons) but Alice doesn’t believe her. And just when there was even a tiny ray of hope that it could be forgotten Jenny calls out from the bedroom, “Hey, little monkey, have you seen my earrings?”

The look on Alice’s face as she realizes what has actually occurred is pretty priceless.


I know I crush on praise Leisha Hailey’s comedic abilities all the time but come on! The woman can make anything funny.

Dear Jenny,

If I were trying to hide the fact that I slept with someone, that I shouldn’t have, my instinct would not be to ask them if they need help getting dressed but I’m pretty sure the L in “The L word” never stood for logic so naturally you would run off with Shane to “help each other get dressed” but maybe you were just re-enacting this:

Their giggling confuses Alice even more and she sneaks over to the door to peak in on them.


picture-31Yeah Alice we know.

Jenny and Shane return and Alice excuses herself to the bathroom. Oh the bathroom. Oh the Carmen. Oh the minus of the pissing part. Oh the Carmen.

Alice texts everyone the word and we sit back and let comedy run around begin.


Foxy Brown didn’t know how to text and apparently neither does Kit. And while we could have feasibly left it there oh no we have to take it one step further because apparently Kit also doesn’t know what a text message is.


Jenny asks Shane to go outside with her before she leaves to “talk” (with the tongues and with the minus of the words) and Alice follows with phone in hand and Helena on the other line describing their conversation. Shane tells Jenny she’s a good kisser which proves my observation that crazy people are good kissers and dumb people not so much. Try it out. Tell me the results. Leave some comments. We’ll compile a research paper. This could be the cover page:


Alice runs back before Jenny gets in and tries to pretend she saw nothing but demons have eyes everywhere Alice and Jenny knows and that’s why she asks you not to say anything.

Bette is walking back from the laugh factory and Jodi and Tom are sitting in her office to talk about their ability to work together. Bette thinks Jodi should resign because things are starting to affect their work and Jodi refuses. Bette pulls…well…the Bette claws out and says she’ll fire her if she doesn’t. Jodi’s response, “Go ahead.”

Jodi +Bette =boring as f&%^

Jenny and Alice are sitting in the kitchen trying to go over Alice’s treatment but Alice keeps getting calls from the promo pics gallery. First Tasha, and then Max who I guess hasn’t told anyone he’s preggers. Although he might and maybe they’ll all just turn to faced the wall mid-sentence and pretend they didn’t hear him. Jenny grabs a hold of Alice’s treatment and gives Alice a whole high and mighty speech about people walking into Hollywood and thinking they can make it in one night. She goes on about her screenwriting being a craft and blah blah blah. Really Jenny? The director who got pulled off her on shoot before the end of production, was banned from the set and then they changed the ending anyway? The director who had no other work lined up during her one-time movie deal? Alice, why are you even there and not somewhere getting naked with Tasha? I also get the suspicion (read: I know what happens in the next ep) that Alice shouldn’t be showing crazy pants anything because she’ll probably steal it.

Alice tells her the plot line anyway (something about a talk show host and a broody cop who get caught up in a murder mystery) and Jenny tells her that its unrealistic and these two characters would never be together. Now the intervals between meta are getting shorter and so is my patience with Jenny’s self-righteousness in this scene. Somehow (mostly through Jenny’s unattractive facial expressions) at the end we end up with Jenny telling Alice she should be doing cartoon voice-overs. Bitch, I will cut you. Where the hell is Tasha when you need her?

Tina shows up and interrupts to ask Jenny about the missing negative and Jenny interrupts Tina with her coffee grinder that escalates and forces Tina to get aggressive about telling her the negative was stolen from the lab. Jenny’s reply is, “Who cares if someone stole the negative, the editor has it on her computer.” Maybe I’m being snobbish, working in an industry that deals with negative all the live long day, but if your negative is gone you’re pretty much fucked and the best you can hope for is probably high quality internet videos on youtube which is probably fitting of Les Girls… I’m sorry…that’s actually an insult to thte T.V shows on youtube (including my favorite right now Roommating). Jenny convinces Tina she didn’t do it by claiming its her last hope for getting another job in Hollywood.

Alright, listen, I read movie blogs all day and when a production switches hands in the middle because the first one got fired no one ever thinks oh lets give that guy our next multi-million dollar movie. They go to the guy that saved the film Jenny “I’m living in carnival-themed bubble” Schecter). Is this absurd build up trying to make us glad Jenny dies by the end because, Ilene, you had me at hello.

Alice and Shane are at The Planet and Alice is grilling Shane about whether or not Shenny is really a Shenny. Shane says no but that she wouldn’t mind if they slept together again.


Then she demonstrates the saddest moment in the episode. Jenny wants her to get beer on the way home and Shane subtly slips in that she has to leave to do Jenny’s bidding. Alice thinks they’re going to have sex again and nothing about this feels right you guys. Anyone else with me?

Bette shows up at Phyllis’ office to discuss Jodi and they’ve already used two big words I’m too tipsy to remember the meaning of. Jodi was apparently already there discussing Bette and Phyllis decides to initiate some peer mediation. Bette wants Jodi to resign and Phyllis can see its only because of their dyke drama and refuses to let either happen because it could be considered sexual harassment and get the school in trouble. Color me Bored.

Alice is proven right and Jenny and Shane have sex again in tv world for about 6 seconds.

Back to a little bit of reality. Alice is on “The Look” doing her segment which is normally gay celebrity gossip but she turns to something more serious. She reads a letter from a gay teen whose gay brother was killed by a boy he wrote a love letter to which is based on a true news story. Yay Alice. Her very straight (read: too straight) co-host react awkwardly because you know when a gay teen in murdered straight people don’t know how to deal with it becuase its soooo beyond their comprehension.

Tina is walking through her dept. again and everyone is looking at her like they just found out she had crabs. Aaron want to see her in his office again and when she gets there he shows her a document that releases the negative to a messenger with her signature on it.

Bette and Phyllis are at a bar discussing their previous scene and Bette guesses that Phyllis wants her to resign instead of Jodi but not because of Jodi. At some point Nadia, Bette’s one time assistant, filed a complaint about her and its only now coming back to Bette in the form of comedy assistance. Phyllis pretty much says she made it go away and confesses that she has a big crush on Bette (who doesn’t) (me) and would lose Joyce in asecond if Batte gav her a chance. She turns on the bedroom eyes and I turn on the “afraid for my life/this is such obvious and predictable writing eyes” which manifest itself as me fighting back the urge to hurl into the nearest container. I’m only giving Phyllis points for quoting Jimmy Carter ya’ll. That’s it. So we’ve got pretty much Alice and Tasha as the only successful couple on the show. Thankfully Bette save herself by bringing back the comedy, declaring her resignation in the morning.:


Kit and Helena (I feel I’ve started too many sentences this way) are The Planet now and someone has sent Helena flowers. Determined, however to stick to her “no drama” policy she says they should recycle them and proceeds to pick one of the flowers to hand off to another woman. Kit reads the note with the flowers and it reads, “You’re beautiful when you’re angry,” and when you running and walking and talking and breathing and…

Alice is scouring her closet looking for something to wear for her meeting with her boss regarding the dramatic turn her segment took and gets a phone call from the L.A LGBTQ center. She doesn’t want to take it but when Tasha answers she gets a look on her face that says there is a suicidal teen on the other end or she’s thinking about making a sandwich. Whatever. Either way.


Alice and Tasha get over to the center and an employee tells them that the girl who wrote Alice the letter is on a ledge and refuses to come down. Alice eventually gets on the ledge and we have a good ole sappy moment of teen being saved from death. Now I’m not saying this moment isn’t warranted but when the show takes on so few serious issues when they they do it seems completely frivolous and overtly purposeful with or without Alice’s adorable presence. Alice does eventually get the teen to leave the ledge and, naturally that’s the end of that issue.

I’ve never heard a grown up say “Rock the Casbah” and I hope to never again.

Everyone is at”Hit” except Shane and Jenny and Tasha is praising Alice for her accomplishments with the teen. It seems they’re skipping the therapy and working on their relationship the way most people end up; over drinks in a loud club.

Kit is outside, and having missed the text message madness, is dumb-founded by the scene before her.


Kit scurriess back inside to tell everyone and everyone at Hit knows Kit is approximately 6000 years old for not knowing how to check her text messages.

Shane pops in and everyone does that awkward shushing thing at parties that happens when I show up. Do you think I should be concerned? Bette cant’ stop laughing into her drink thinking to herself “This is the last episode I’m doing for the rest of this series.”


Helena thinks, ” my god, I hope I make it to ‘The Farm’.

picture-61And I think why is Bette so awesome when she funny’s.

Jenny shows up and immediately the tension thickens which means when you’re intoxicated the laughter only gets much worse.


Jenny and Shane are giving each other eyes across the way and I can’t find enough things to distract me. Jenny ask Kit some obligatory questions about the space and Kit tell her there is a VIP room which she immediately excuses herself to it and oh…wait…Shane asks Kit the very same question and excuses herself to go check it out. Meanwhile the cast and the audience is having the best laugh they’ve had in a while as best exhibited by one miss Jennifer Beals.


Kit is asked to dance on the floor with the DJ, ALice and Tasha are laughing and all is right in the world until we get to the last shot:


Oh Angela, I knew I could trust you. Did this episode feel like a series finale to anyone else?

  1. February 12, 2009 at 12:42 AM


  2. The humans are dead
    February 12, 2009 at 6:02 PM


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