Home > Television & Film, Uncategorized > L word Recap Episode 607

L word Recap Episode 607

I’m terribly judgmental of The L Word but I can always be easily distracted by a ridiculously choreographed dance number or two so you can imagine how conflicted I felt watching Sunday’s episode.

Things are in full swing at the LGBT center dance off that Alice organized , sponsored by ourchart.com.   Guess they couldn’t spring for clean-up on the wall.  For those who don’t know the gay version of facebook was absorbed by sho.com because facebook is already the gay version of facebook.


Bette is registering and my guess going to wipe the floor with everyone there because Bette is competitive and also hilarious when she’s competitive.  Alice pops over to psyche Bette out.   Tasha, Jamie and Alice are supposedly going to best Bette…together naturally.  It’s possible, Alice.  I  think your chances are as good as me buying the dress your wearing at a TBA post L word auction… So pretty good.  Just to hang it up and look at it though not to do anything inappropriate with it… ::cough::

They stop trying to put the squeeze on each other to stop and recognize what Alice has done for my world the lgbt center before Jenny walks in and destroys happiness in her wake.  Jenny looks really concerned when she approaches Bette about what is inevitably the unpleasantness she thought she saw in Tibette’s window last week.

Which looked a little  something like this:


Jenny wants to know if Bette told Tina about what happened.  Bette’s very confused because nothing happened but Jenny’s nuts, Bette, and you should always lie to crazy people.  You should have just said yes but you don’t.  Oh no.  You try to approach this situation with logic and honesty and we know that won’t work.  Jenny’s loyalty would be totally admirable if she wasn’t a fucking crazy bitch and if Bette had actually cheated on Tina but before Bette can respond Tina shows up fresh from her trip to nyc and they walk over to register for the dance-off.

Dressing, undressing time.  Tina tells Bette she got a job offer at focus features and before we get excited for those few lucky enough to find a job during an economic crisis, Tina tells Bette its in NYC.  Oh goody now maybe in the spin-off we can see real east-coast lesbians…oooh sorry….did I say that with my outdoor voice? My bad.

Tina says she’s not going to take it because their lives are in L.A.  Alice pops out from behind a curtain and declares their friends are also there.  I wouldn’t speak too soon Alice.  Who knows how much longer you’ll be around.  Also they did just have a non-dyke dyke re-do their house and they have a pregnant lady coming to live with them who Alice points out they should be weary of because they could end up her servant or sleeping with her.


Helena is standing watching over the benefit crowd sulking into a drink when Tina walks over to reassure her that Dylan is in love with her.  “Then why isn’t she hers?” asks Helena.  So we should pretty much expect to see Dylan in a scene in approximately a half hour.  They walk down to join the crowd while Sunset Boulevard introduces Sacajawea Pocahontas Jamie.


Blah Blah blah. we’re all a family.  Get to Alice.

Alice walks on stage and mentions that she lost her job but she gained a great friend, Jamie, and loves her girlfriend more than ever.  Even in that outfit?


This is what I would like to call a outfit mullet. Party on the top, no effort on the bottom?

Monica Lewinski is busy leering in the corner and exchanging challenging looks with Bette.


She begins to walk over when Bette scurries off with Tina to volunteer a kick-off pledge of 1500 unsold handbags dollars.

Helena peruses the dance floor when Jenny stops her to tell here she’s really sorry about what happened with Dylan.  I tell myself there are only 2 more potential hours of life for Jenny Schecter and power through.

Alice wonders where Helena’s number is and  Helena wonders why the three musketeers have the same number and I wonder why they’re not all naked.  Alice knows someone who knows someone but Jamie volunteers to be Helena’s dance partner.  When Alice and Helena walk off to get her a number Jamie and Tasha have an exchange and not a fun exchange.  Its a slightly awkward but mostly for me because Alice isn’t there.


Tasha asks Jamie “what?”  in a playful “why are you looking at me like that when my adorable gf isn’t around” kind of way and Jamie tells her “if you don’t know I’m not gonna tell you.”

Veto. Veto Now!  There is absolutely no flirting on the premises without the presence of Alice.

The dance-a-thon kicks off and everyone is getting down including Jodi who I never want to see dance again.  Bette sees Jodi dancing and assumes there will be  trouble but Tina insists maybe she’s just there for the good cause.  Then Bette looks back and sees Jenny hugging Jodi.


This. Is. Not. Going. To. End Well.

Feeling what must a sense of guilt combined with oneupmanship (word?)  Bette starts to tell Tina about what Jenny said earlier  but Alice interrupts with the hippy dancing and the cuteness.   She asks them if Jamie seems weird to them and they say no and Alice dances her way further into my heart or away.  Whatever.  Bette continues with her tale but Alice returns unconvinced and they reassure her that Jamie and Tasha seem normal.  As Alice dances back out of frame they take another look and decide if they the two of them were flirting “That would suck.”  You know what else would suck if Alice got arrested for Jenny’s death and went to prison!

It’s time for a break from dancing and the madness.  We’ve got 15 minutes. Break.

Bette is in the bathroom and sees Jodi washing her hand and not looking in her direction.  I love encounters in the bathroom. They’re all the rage but only when they look like this:


Bette asks Jodi if they’re really not going to say hello and Jodi confesses that Jenny told her about Bette and Kelly. If you put their names together, Brangelina style, they’re name is Belly…So that obviously can’t happen.  Bette tries to convince her that nothing happened but really, Bette, what evidence does Jodi have to show her otherwise seeing as you cheated on her with Tina.

A group of youngster’s are doing some fly routine on the dance floor while everyone does the line dance promised earlier by Sunset.  Shane can’t believe Bette and Tina are moving to new york and Alice gets busted for spilling the sexy beans  (look I’ve had two glasses of wine.  I’ll get a compliment in anywhere I can).  Shane doesn’t want them to leave her there with Jenny. Sounds like Shane is seeing the light.  She could always move to nyc with them.  She can quit her booming photography hobby and hold up at cubby hole or the slightly disjointed Cattyshack.  I think her and her messed up hair would do fine.

Tasha and Jamie continue they’re possibly flirtatious conversation and Alice asks Helena if she thinks there is something going on between them.  Shhh Alice if you say it out loud then that makes it true.  After hesitating Helena says that maybe they are too close.


Okay.  Remember like two episodes ago when Jamie was too close to the both of you.  Come on Alice! You’ve taken yourself out of the game by being suspicious and paranoid.  If you were over there with them she’d probably be making googly eyes at you to.  Let’s stay focused here and let’s get naked.

Nikki walks in with her posse and walks right on up to Shane to apologize for bailing on her when she was barfing all over Molly’s picture.  She wants to know if she can get a second chance but they’re interrupted by Aladdin’s magic carpet rid.


Its time to start the dance competition and because this is probably a real dancing couple it more than enough opportunity to cut away to another scene.

Shane is getting ready in the dressing room and is so enthused about dancing with Jenny as a 90’s hip-hopped out Alice points out.


When I think of dance machine I definitely think Shane McCutcheon.  Speaking of dance machine how could they have not at least had “maniac” playing in the background once?! Did they get my memo about the meta getting out of control?

Shane is doing it because Jenny wants to.  And if Jenny wanted to jump off a cliff would you do it to?  No, but I would tell her I would and then let that bitch jump? Hazaa!

Shane and Jenny are next and like the pretentious prick she is Jenny, no doubt, chose a tango song…because they’re so in love.  Yep. Guys that’s what this relationship is about.  Love.


Alice walks into the backstage area and Tibette are siginificantly concerned.  As they should be.  I have no words for whats about to happen so here are some pics.picture-14picture-24picture-33picture-43picture-52picture-61picture-71

I have no words for what just happened in my life.  I also have no words for the 5.5 score from  Patricia Ramsey in the middle because she just killed my childhood..  ehhhhhh too much?…probably didn’t need to put the link in there.


I’ve always said bette and tina were incredibly humble.


Remember my excitement about bathroom confrontations.  It ends here.


Although it’s not at all surprising. At this point I think Shane would have random sex in a bathroom with a fleshlight right now so I wouldn’t feel too special Nikki.

P.S this is the first photo to come up if you image google search fleshlight.


Not really.  But this is.


Don’t you feel extra awkward now?

I love Bette for this and this reason alone.  Bitch don’t play around at anytime during her daily life.


Also inter-cutting shots of Shane fucking Nikki in the bathroom is really not a good decision right now.

Meanwhile Helena stands by watching and who should appear by her side?  Dylan.  Yay Dylan!  Christ, at least someone gets to be happy this season.


And if you ruin it Chaiken you can expect a lengthy letter from me and by lengthy letter I mean bullet in brain.

Bette and Tina are into fisting just like the obamas and celebrate their accomplishments backstage but Jodi is waiting to get on and if her dancing with the stars background doesn’t frighten you it should. And here is the meta I know and love returned to me.


Nikki is what I assume is the VIP lounge when Jenny approaches her about selling herself in an auction to benefit the center.  Oh Nikki,  we know you’re not that bright so we’ll just tell you that Jenny’s motive are sinister and this probably won’t turn out the way you think.  But you’re self-centered and go along with the idea.


Yes please. More of this.

Helena begins apologizing for the set-up but Dylan stop hers and tells her they should stop with the sorrys and the wearing of the clothes and they should start fresh.  Obviously because they’re the most in love couple right now we’ll see all of two seconds of them this episode because happy people aren’t worth watching.

Nikki, with drink in hand, jumps up to the stage donate a date with herself to the highest bidder.  Prices jump from 500-1000 and Jenny of course offers $25,000 for Nikki.

What could Jenny’s reason be outside of insanity? Because “Shane you don’t have to fuck her in a bathroom anymore.  You don’t have to sneak around. I don’t want you to do that so i bought her for you.  You can have her whenever you want…Thank you.”


It’s the early hours of the morning and Jamie is taking a power nap.  Alice walk over to her to ask her if she has feelings for Tasha.  This, Jamie, is when you say no I have feelings for you both but instead comes out “Oh god” (which is always what you want to hear) and Jamie tells her she would never do anything. Alice says she knows and walks away.


This is a face that should never be happening. EVER.

Tina and Bette are at the bus station, sitting in the car.  Tina wonders if they should tell Marcy (darci) about them moving to ny. I guess that decision has been made.  Bette thinks that its worth it to leave their friends to have a fresh start.  Good luck finding an apartment ya’ll.

Back at the dance off Susent Boulevard (not in drag) walks onto the stage and Kit freaks out about a random person coming on stage.  Actually Kit remember when you guys said” just come on up and shout out a number” for donations?

He confesses to being Sunset Boulevard to no one else  but Kit because Kit is the only one who didn’t know.  He tells Kit he wants nothing more than to take her to dinner and she walks away?  Really Kit?  After the Manny you’re gonna turn down a handsome man who like to dress in drag?

Back at the bus station, Bette and Tina are waiting for Marcy with flowers in hand.  I’ve got a not so good predictable feeling about this.

After a whole lot of people come of the bus no one sees Marcy.  Tina suggests that she may have fallen asleep on the bus.  Or maybe she gave birth on the bus and no one saw.  On the upside technically she’s in L.A so that kid is yours.  Tina jumps on board to see while Bette calls Marcy’s cell phone.  They both get no answer.  Well how weird is that through a completely coincidental series of events you guys can now adopt Max’s unwanted child?  Weird right?


  1. leila
    March 10, 2009 at 12:12 PM

    I LOVE YOU, you’re hilarious!!

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