Home > Television & Film > 2012: Quick and Dirty

2012: Quick and Dirty

Oh, how the disaster porn movie genre has engulfed our eyeballs in flames.  Apocalyptic movies. Fine.  Hollywood produced, John Cusack starring apocalyptic movies? Not so much.  The world should be destroyed if only for the existence of the movie 2012.

I would very much like those 2hours and 38 minutes of my life back…yes this shit is 2 1/2 hours long.  Someone had to write 158 pages of script for this crap.

The Bad:

  • Everything about this movie was horrific.
  • John Cusack is doing his very best impersonation of himself.  His character is separated from Amanda “where did your career go” Peet’s character and she is currently dating a stuck up Felix to Cusack’s Arthur.  Guess who bites it in the end and guess who reconciles.
  • If you wanted to know how many near-death misses were too much to fit into one movie watch half of 2012 and you’ll have a good idea.  Any half will do.
  • We get it.  The government is messed up in the midst of disaster and becomes only more corrupt and effed up when shit hits the fan or I guess a gazillion gallons of sea water hits the fan.
  • Arks?  REALLY?  The government builds three “arks” to save those rich enough to buy a seat? Oh but wait one of their doors won’t shut all the way right before a massive tsunami hits and if the door doesn’t close  the engines wont start and if the engines don’t start they’ll run right into that huge fucking iceberg thus killing everyone inside…oh no wait…the door closed just in time.  Phew.
  • One of the surviving character’s dog get separated from her in the middle of the movie.  Guess who shows up at the end just in time to make it on the ark.
  • The religious allegory was a little too much.  Doesn’t god put a rainbow in the sky after The Great Flood to show he won’t destroy the world by water ever again?  But  massive explosions, eruptions under water and rising core temperature cause tsunamis that destroy whole cities so god is one sneaky back-talking mofo.

The Good:

I watched this movie on a bootleg DVD provided by some shady family member or another at Thanksgiving dinner.  The sparing of my $10.50 was the best Black Friday saving I ever did.

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  1. Jimmy!
    December 10, 2009 at 5:25 PM

    Ha! I also watched it via bootleg! I heard some people say the fun of this movie is from watching it with an audience but the movie alone was not great, I agree.

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